


Not a Hero

by Kittywu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Day One: Protect, Drabble, Jearmin Week, M/M, Post chapter 59
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 16:36:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1948323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittywu/pseuds/Kittywu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It always was Armin – the one to start a conversation, the one to initiate anything, the one to protect him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not a Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Yaay, Jearmin Week is finally there. I am ready, but not prepared ha.  
> I should study for my final exams *nervous laughter* but here you have a short drabble for the protect prompt.

Armin stared into an empty space somewhere in the landscape they were passing by. The cabin shouldn’t be far away anymore but the atmosphere in their cart wasn’t getting any lighter. Jean felt like the rest of his squad stared at him even though they didn’t. All he thought about was that he could’ve been dead now and that they all could’ve been in sincere trouble because of him.

Jean wanted to approach Armin, to hug him and thank him but he was scared of what was going on in Armin’s head. The blond boy had an absent gaze on his face, his bright blue eyes seemed dull and cold, their usual sparkling was gone. Jean didn’t know what to say to him anyway. How do you thank the person who just saved your life?

So he remained silent. They both did, sitting in that cart, next to each other, not saying a word. If anyone had stared at Jean, it would have been because those two who were usually at least calming each other down, seemed to ignore each other. Usually, he’d use the opportunity to scooch over a little closer to Armin and to maybe gently brush over the slim white hand.

When they reached the cabin, everything remained unchanged. Both of them didn’t say a word, Jean avoided Armin’s empty gaze and he felt the strong urge to cry or to pray or to do both. He watched the blonde leave the room, and clenched his fists while he tried to decide whether or not to follow him. He bit his lips and stayed where he was. The pressure of eyes staring at him grew heavier.

Mikasa left to see if he was ok and it was probably for the better, Jean thought to himself. She knew him longer and better than he did. What would he have told him? He didn’t know himself. So he just waited for Armin to come back, to be the first one to say something.

It always was Armin – the one to start a conversation, the one to initiate anything, the one to protect him. All Jean wanted was to be the one to protect Armin, he was the taller and stronger one, why couldn’t he become Armin’s hero? Maybe he actually was weak. He put the whole squad in danger at last. The bashful confidence he had, back then, during his days as trainee, was long gone.

He tried to figure out what Armin was thinking when he came back into the room. He looked at the ground, one hand gripping tightly to his shirt, the other one on his stomach. He looked pale and weak, he had to lean on Mikasa to be able to walk back. His childhood friend gently stroked his back. Jean tried to meet his gaze, he needed to know if the ocean blue eyes were still as dull as they were on the ride back. But Armin’s eyes focused on the floor.

Suddenly, Jean felt another pressure on him, a weight on his own chest, something strangling his throat. Guilt. It was his fault that Armin was that miserable. He didn’t want to think about the things that haunted the small blond. He wished he could make everything undone.

Jean and Armin were the last to stay awake. The others had gone to bad a few hours ago, one after another had left the fire pit eventually and they had remained seated. They both stared into the flames without saying anything.

“Thank you”, Jean said into the silence.  
“For what?”, Armin looked at him and even though he knew the other for years now, he found it hard to read what he was thinking.  
“You know… for saving my life.”

Neither of them said something for a few seconds and Jean thought he might have said something wrong, that they had talked about that matter enough during the last hours and that he shouldn’t have brought it up again. But out of all the things he thought Armin might do in response – including saying nothing and walking away – he did the least expected: he looked at Jean and smiled.

“Do you think I would have let you die?”  
“No… but you end up saving me all the time.” Jean felt uncomfortable admitting this. He didn’t want to admit that he hasn’t been able to save Armin at least once. That he wasn’t Armin’s hero, Armin was his. He hadn’t even been able to save himself a bunch of times.  
“And I’d do it one million times more if needed. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you.”

Armin got up and moved from the opposite side of the fire pit closer to Jean. He sat himself down right next to him, his small body pressed right against Jean’s. The latter felt relieved by the contact, by the return of the usual. So he wrapped his arm around the other male, and rested his head on the golden blond hair.

“Is there a possibility that I’ll pay you back for all the times you’ve saved me? Maybe by saving your life or something?”, he said with a grin and moved his fingers over the thick fabric around Armin’s waist.  
“I’d prefer it if you just try your best to stay alive. And if I have to save your life, then be it. If you have to save mine, then be it. The most important thing is that we survive. Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> The only prompt that is ready is the fantasy prompt. So I'll post some short 1kish drabbles for the rest of the prompts, if I find the time Lost Together and Accident might get bigger because I actually have a planned plot.  
> And yeah, I'll finish the next chapter of moonlight sonata at the beginning of August probably...


End file.
